April 2021
april 1, day 89
How is it that it’s so easy for time to go by?
We passed one of the major “firsts,” your birthday. I don’t know what to think or feel yet.
I guess I just want to write that today really sucked, Dad. I played so badly today. I feel so behind, so incapable, I really don’t know how I’m going to crawl out of this today.
I’m so angry at you, too. Why did you have to die, this way, now?
Stupid question.
April 12, day 100
Another first. My birthday. And 100 days since your death.
I remembered that last year it was just the two of us on my birthday, Mom was finishing her quarantine after being stuck in Peru. You were really sweet that morning. I wish I could remember the details, the little things that you did to try and make the morning special. I hope I still have your card somewhere…
All of the small memories, the small details that I didn’t think I needed to remember, that have died with you. What I would give for them now.
I found this sketch you did at some point, probably at least a few years ago, maybe more. You wrote to the side of the drawing, “She grows up.” I thought about this today, it really gets to me for some reason, especially on a day like today.
